Wednesday, October 13, 2010

You're Allowed Land

This post is not about flowers today. Sorry. I need to tell you instead that someone has taken possession over my sweet baby girl. This new person is full of attitude. She has sass to spare. Ask her nicely to to pick up her things and get a earful of reasons why that's impossible. This week I was told with clear conviction "I'm not going to be your daughter anymore!" Oh, and I have a new nickname, I'm called "mean mommy". And I'm the push over parent. You should see the lip Daddy gets. I thought I had at least 10 more years before this started. My husband jokes (kinda) that he is taking leave when she hits puberty. Because guess what folks - I'll be starting "the change" around that time as well. God help him.
I am reading all the books and talking to all the other moms about this new development (the whining PLEASE make the whining stop!!!). But I need to remember that childhood can be frustrating to those living it. In fact yesterday she told me she wishes she lived in "You're Allowed Land". A magically place where you're allowed to eat sweets for breakfast and stay up as late as you want. I told her yes, that's called adulthood but there are consequences - you're not healthy, you're tired blah, blah blah...(BTW, I ate a muffin for breakfast and went to bed at 1am and yes I feel like crap and I'm exhausted, see consequences). But she's quick as a whip and shot back that this land has no consequences. Yes, that would be a great place, I tell her.

What a drag having someone lord over you telling you what to do all the time. That's an experience of childhood too. I understand she is just asserting her ever growing independence. I'm trying to say "No" without saying "No". For example - My kid: "Can I have a cookie?" Me: "Yes! Of course right after you gobble up your broccoli". But you need to be on your mommy game for this and sometimes I just do not have it in the tank. Empathy, one of the greatest traits to cultivate.
But I like the idea of "You're Allowed Land". I think we should keep that in mind from time to time. Give ourselves permission. You're allowed to whine and complain, to speak up and demand better, you're allowed to tell people "No, I can't do that for you", you're allowed to make mistakes, you're allowed to sit in peace, eat a whole bag of chips and have another glass. You're an adult and you know the consequences. And you can deal with them.

4 comments:

KILLY said...

A brief rough patch, I'm sure. You sound like a great mom, and please, save me a room at a swank hotel in "You're Allowed Land"!

cindy said...

Yes, I'd like to book a room in you're allowed land, too! She sure is cute though and that doesn't help when you have to say no. We were kids once and probably did the same things, although I think kids these days are much smarter ;).

chiara said...

Oh, too funny. I'm not there yet with my son, but I'm sure the time will come soon. Plus, I hear girls are harder than boys that way.

Also, I would love to eat a bag of chips right now. That sounds lovely.

webb said...

I have a friend who advocates locking daughters in a closet from 12-20, altho it sounds like you need to start a little sooner. Oh, you think social services would care....? good luck!